“Just... because”

Just because

When I was young we used to have swimming lessons with the entire class. Once a week all children between the ages of eight and ten would be loaded onto a bus and taken to the sports funds swimming pool.

Till this day, I don't know what brought on the events of that particular morning. I got on the bus with my swim gear; talked with a few of my classmates; muddled through the exercises. Nothing out of the ordinary.

After lessons, we were allowed to goof around in the water for ten or fifteen minutes. Suddenly one of the boys grabbed my head and shoved me under water. I quickly shut my mouth. It felt like I was about to burst. I flailed with all my limbs trying to understand what was going on. I could see his pale torso and legs in front of me.

Try as I might, I couldn't get to the surface. He kept pushing me down. Panic seized me once I realised he wasn't letting me go. I clawed at his back with my long fingernails. I'm not sure if I drew blood though it seems inevitable. The chlorine water must have stung my eyes. I only noticed when I got dressed and saw them blood red in the mirror.

I was a quiet child back then. An unpopular girl targeted by bullies. I didn't say anything. I can hardly remember what happened the rest of the day. But it gnawed at me. I must've spent nearly two weeks brooding over my revenge. I remember one Saturday sitting crossways on one of our high backed chairs while mum was combing my hair.

I wanted to speak up but my chest felt tight. The words seemed to stick in my throat. At some point I blurted out “I'm going to try drowning W. next Tuesday at swimming.” Needless to say, mum was surprised. “Why would you want to drown him?!”, she asked. I told her what had happened and as expected she got into a towering rage.

Monday during lunch break she showed up at school demanding to talk to my teacher. My teacher was a kind lady. Miss R. had no idea what was going on. She had never seen my mother seething before. I felt kind of sorry for her when mum accused her of not paying enough attention.

Though it was true that she had been there. She didn't see a thing of our struggle as she sat talking with some of the mothers who volunteered to keep an eye on us. I don't recall how many there were. Mum claims there were at least four, the teacher and three volunteers. Yet all the adults present including the swim coach had managed to miss the ordeal.

Of course, yelling at miss R. wasn't enough to satisfy mum's rage. The teacher had to call in W. She asked him what he had been thinking. He didn't have much to say for himself. He seemed distressed looking back and forth between the teacher and my mum. His forehead was pale with bright pink spots glowing on his cheeks. He frowned then shrugged and said “Just... because”

That launched my mother into a downright threat: “If this is how you monitor the children I am coming to the next lesson! You dare lay a hand on my daughter then, I swear I will jump in the water and drown you myself! I don't care that I can't swim, I'll drown with him before I let this happen again!”

Miss R. assured my mother she would pay better attention from now on. She urged W. to apologize. She even made him promise never to attempt to drown me again. Miss R. asked me why I didn't say anything before. It was my turn to shrug and say “Just... because”.

W. kept his word. He never tried to drown me after that. I in turn, shelved my plans for revenge. Looking back on it now, it seems madness that something like this could ever happen. But it did. Just because... it could.